Torchy's Tacos

So this is a sad story, guys. Tuesday when we were on our way to Wingsday (see Buffalo Wild Wings for details) my date and I happened to see a restaurant called Pollo Campero that just opened on Washington. Leaving, we took an interesting route and drove by Sunrise Taquitos, on Memorial. Both of these restaurants looked very intriguing and as a world famous restaurant blogger I happened to be very interested in trying BOTH of these locales. Making plans yesterday evening, I was tasked with choosing between the two of them. I googled Sunrise Taquitos only to discover that they close at 2; it being sixish there was no way it was going to happen. Pollo Campero it was! We drove into the parking lot, our stomachs rumbling with hunger and Latin anticipation, getting out of our cars and dancing to the door only to discover an employee meeting taking place inside! A sign on the door warned that they didn't even open until February 7! What kind of nonsense is this! All I wanted was some food! I get so angry and uncomfortable to be with when I'm hungry! What to do? Luckily across the street is Molina's Cantina! A whole cantina! The parking in front was full, but they had signs for additional parking in rear. We drove around the rear only to discover that it was all roped off for valet! Who does valet on a Wednesday? What is this, Beverly Hills? NO! It's Houston, and it was just a Mexican restaurant! Frustrated, we drove on. Eleven thousand restaurants in Houston and nothing to eat. But then! A bolt of flavor through the pain of hunger and indecision! Torchy's Tacos, at 2411 Shepherd!

Here's the best part of Torchy's Tacos. So they're founded in Austin which everyone knows is the capitol of Texas. It's a pretty politically charged restaurant but if you look close enough you can see that their politics align with mine (did I mention I'm changing the name of my blog from arbitrary criticism to fiscally conservative rants?). Here's the thing they have a taco called the Democrat but they have two tacos for the righter side of the spectrum: the Republican and the Trailer Trash! AHAHAHAHA +9 for my wit and charm! Man that was some funny stuff. Obviously I jest when we walked in they were playing an acoustic version of Creep; everybody in that restaurant voted for Obama. There was a girl wearing a shirt with a brontosaurus that said "Vegetarian". Do they even sell vegetarian tacos there? I don't know, mine had both chicken fried steak and bacon on it. +20

OK OK so there's lots of good things about Torchy's Tacos, I know I already mentioned their bendy straws to you but there's so much more! For one thing guys they don't have the regular kind of contract with Pepsi or Coca -Cola like most people do. I mean they do carry a few Coke products but that's not the point. Here's what else they have in this restaurant: they have Dublin Dr. Pepper, made with real cane sugar, they have Maine Root vanilla creme soda and root beer and pink lemonade! Did I mention the creme soda? Guys it's so good! Who has creme soda on fountain? It's delicious! +18! Also, everybody there has a beard! The guys who serve you your food: Beards! The other clientele in the restaurant: Beards! The basketball player on the television: Beard! The guy in a cardigan: Beard! (His beard was wearing a pretty dress and had no beard) (ahahaha it was a joke about a guy who hasn't come to terms with his homosexuality!) It was such a furry place I love it. +23

But now we have to come to the complaint section of my blog. So their restaurant logo is this devil holding a fork wearing a diaper flying through some banners that say Torchy's Tacos and then in between it says damn good tacos. Damn good tacos! This is a child friendly establishment! And they say the d word! Right on every single one of their cups! -13 Unbelievable you guys unbelievable. And you know what the other thing is? Gosh they have an outdoor patio. I'll be honest the first time I went it was raining and the second time I went it had rained earlier. The thing is, that counts as about 90% of the weather in Houston! It's always raining or has just rained! I straightened my hair this morning for my new job and then went outside and it was immediately curly again! Why would anybody ever want to sit outside, you're just swimming in the atmosphere and sweating little beads of salsa out of your every pore. I mean I'll admit that Niko Niko's Market Square Park is one of my favorite restaurants but like I said whenever I want to go to Torchy's Taco it's gross as all get out outside and nobody would want to sit on the porch but people are always sitting on the patio! Disgusting -17!

Anyways that's the whole story you guys should all go to Torchy's Tacos there's one in Austin too if you'd prefer. Try the taco of the month and then email me at arbitrarycriticism@live.com!