Denny's

So I went to Denny’s the other week with my boyfriend and I know that I’ve spoken out about the difficulties of dating before, but I’ve mostly only dwelt on compromise and my inability to do it. Today I want to talk to you guys about keeping it fresh. You know? It’s so easy to get in a rut and I think I of all people am particularly susceptible to it due to the fact that I’m a Republican and abhor change. There’s so many things about our relationship that are growing stagnant, and so quickly. For instance, I’ve had the same pair of flip flops the entire time we’ve been dating! -2 They’re black and they have kind of a padded base to them, and I wear them at least six days a week. (On the seventh day I just don’t wear any shoes at all, don’t get too excited my immediate family) He’s going to get bored of looking at my feet and seeing only those, but the bottom of the flip flops is so thick they’re in no danger of being worn out! I’m going to keep them around for at least another solid year! And it’s not just the flip flops, either, guys! I learned this really funny joke about a year and a half ago (Q: What do gay horses eat? A: Haaaaaaaaay!) and I’ve told it to him at least a quarter of a million times. I can’t help it. It’s just so classically funny. I laughed when I typed it out to you guys, and trust me, it’s way better out loud. -4! Despite the lifestyle insensitivity, that stuff’s getting stale, no matter how hilarious it is. And I’m not going to stop telling it! So it was time for me to inject something new into our relationship, and I chose Denny’s as the proper place to do it. We got there kind of late, and they allowed us to seat ourselves, and as usual I chose a booth. I know, way to go, Boring Staid Catherine. But that’s not my real name! My name’s really just Catherine! So we seated ourselves, and Thomas slid into one side of the booth, and instead of sliding in across from him, I took the seat next to him! I know guys, I know. A bold move from the left hand corner, but I’m ballsy as they come. I think even the Denny’s wait staff was surprised by the move, but I don’t care. I’m tearing down all kinds of conventions, and it was only with your help, Denny’s. +3698 Now we won’t have to do something really crazy, like go to a different movie theater or start swinging. At a different park.

Here’s the thing about Denny’s, though. They are open 24 hours! I don’t think words can describe how much I love 24 hours places. The only problem is this: I’ll be sitting in my room, around eleven, deeply busy in the way only a strong, productive woman can be. You know, checking to see how many people read my blog in one internet tab, internet shopping on Forever 21’s home page on another, and watching HBO’s Big Love on another. Oh, man, I’ll think. I’m really on tonight. I can go for hours. Is that a little bit of hunger I’m feeling? It’s not too late to go to Denny’s – I’ll get a full meal in my belly, and then spend the rest of the night reading A Tree Grows In Brooklyn like I always wanted to. At this rate I can be done by 6 am! I grab my car keys, throw on my black platform flip flops, dash for the door. In 15 minutes I’m at Denny’s and ordering whichever Grand Slam variation intrigues me today. The food arrives, and I devour it like a lion that’s just killed their first wildebeast. When the food is gone, I lean back, satisfied with a job well done, and slurp down the last of my cup of water. Then I feel it. I’ve eaten too much food for so late at night, and the late night drowsies start to creep in. Well, it is past midnight now, I tell myself. I’ve had that particular copy of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn since my sophomore year of high school. One more day won’t hurt its feelings, right? By the time the bill comes, I’m nodding off at the dinner table and I can’t drive myself home and have to sleep underneath the booth like a homeless person. -76 These 24 hour places are a tricky b word, is what I’m trying to tell you. They seem so awesome and seductive, I know they do. But please don’t be fooled by them. You’ll fall asleep at the table too, and then where is your future??

Oh my gosh that’s not even the worst of it. I feel like it’s my duty as a food blogger to rat out Denny’s. When I went there with Thomas I was at the very peak of a fried egg craving. I knew that if I didn’t eat a fried egg soon my entire world would combust and they’d be scraping me off the ceiling. Luckily Denny’s is a breakfast place and luckily they have a Bacon Slamburger, which combines everyone’s favorite parts of breakfast with French fries and slaps them between a bun. Are you understanding what I’m telling you, guys? It’s eggs and hashbrowns, inside a bun. This is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. Obviously I ordered one, requesting my eggs over easy like I like them. If I’m not licking egg yolk off my chin someone’s not doing this right. But do you know what filth they brought me? They brought me a Bacon Slamburger with the eggs cooked ALL THE WAY THROUGH! Are you -kidding me? That’s your excuse for a burger?? There was no drippage at all! I’d wanted to run my French fries through the yolk that spilled out onto the plate, but there was nothing for them! Nothing! -98

Look Denny’s isn’t that bad guys. You should still check them out. They saved my relationship; maybe they can save yours, too.