La Fendee

Some of you guys may have heard of La Fendee, located at 1402 Westheimer, which is often referred to as "like Niko Niko's but a lot better". OK OK guys get off Niko Niko's back so La Fendee does offer Greek food that's a lot better, that doesn't make THEM better right? I mean seriously who even eats food anymore that is soooo last season.

Here are the facts. Inside the restaurant, they have three fishes which swim around in a fishbowl in a really nice, relaxing way. Outside the restaurant, they have a gang of wild cats that wander through the tables, hitting people up for their wallets. I'm just kidding guys cats are really skittish they wouldn't be able to get close enough to a La Fendee customer to pull off any sort of aggravated assault. But my point is, talk about a civil rights violation!! They are intentionally keeping those cats and those fish in "separate but equal" facilities because they're "afraid of species related violence." Excuse me, but did we not have the entire decade of the sixties to get rid of this kind of prejudice and hatred?? Did we not have cats freedom riding to be allowed into the same rooms as fishes? Did we not have fishes signing petitions saying that they supported equal rights of cats and fishes, that they thought it was wrong that the powers that be were enacting these protectionist measures against a species that truly was the victim?? I am ashamed, La Fendee, truly ashamed of how far backwards you've taken the cat-fishes movement. -34

This is not the only backwards thinking of the restaurant!! Do you know what they have pictured on their menu? A hookah! They promote the smoking of tobacco related products! This is America, guys, where you have the freedom to do whatever you want, except smoke tobacco related products ever anywhere! I hear that they're trying to pass legislation so that you can't even smoke a cigarette while you're thinking about a public place. Good! That's the kind of progress I like to hear about! I don't care about how much smoking is bad for you, I just hate hearing that all of those waiters and waitresses who have to deal with customer bullying all day long have one less nice thing to look forward to at the end of a long shift. It just wrong that La Fendee is mocking the legislation that our great city was founded on in this way. -42 And before you say it, yes, I know Greek people come from a different time. It's probably still the 40's in Greece right now. That doesn't make it OK, guys, and I think everyone with a racist great uncle knows that.

Here's the last terrible thing. Have you guys heard of these corkage fees before??? You bring your own bottle of wine, but then you still have to pay for it?? Look, I understand that these permits cost money, I certainly get that. What I don't get is that the corkage fee at La Fendee is $5.95. I've never looked anywhere else, I have no idea what is industry standard, but do you guys understand that two bottles of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill only cost $6.00 total between the two of them? And that that same $6.00 could buy THREE bottles of Bluebonnet Hill, a knock off brand of the cheapest brand of wine available in most stores? I've never brought my own wine to any sort of BYOW establishment, because I'll admit to you guys, I'm a little ashamed of the unnatural colors of most of the "wines" I drink. I'm just saying, if I calculate in the $5.95 corkage fee, I might as well shell out that money for wine to drink at home which will give me an actual buzz instead of just changing the color of my tongue. -12

This is the best part of La Fendee though. So Melissa and I were sitting at the lover's table by the door, and I suddenly looked up to see this guy staring avidly at the side of Melissa's face. Look guys she's my best friend if anybody looks at her too hard it's my job to put the smack down on them, right?? So I give this guy my best Catherine Martin face and he does a double take, shakes his head rapidly, and points at the Crimestoppers flyer hanging on the window right next to Melissa's face. He blushes a deep plum color. In a moment, our laughter and furious hand waving not demonstrating that we understand, he's just interested in the knowledge that if he has any information which would be valuable to Crimestoppers, he can call now and possible earn up to $10,000, he pokes his head in and apologizes more profusely. "I was just reading the sign," he practically cries. It was pretty hilarious, but mostly I'm just disappointed that that time at House of Pies is the only time Melissa's really hit the streets earning money for this family and I haven't been able to earn more of a profit off of her looks. +8

And that's about the whole review! If you do go, make sure you eat the grape leaves, they're way better than the grape leaves at Niko Niko's and they have this really tasty sauce on their shwarmas. More importantly, everyone read this article in Houston Press about how cool I am, and then email me your congratulations at arbitrarycriticism@live.com!