Kurbside Eatz

Alright guys I've come to understand the fatal flaws of food trucks. Look don't get me wrong my main problem with food trucks is always going to be the exercise inherently necessary in eating at a food truck; none of them have drive thru and they don't deliver, like my favorite restaurant Jimmy Johns, who will deliver you one sandwich just because you've already taken off your bra and put on your pjs for the evening.

Here it is, the foe of food trucks: Wind. So here's how my day happened: I was having a pretty good morning, I slept in way later than I'd intended to so I was super well rested, I drove to campus where I found a parking spot within one minute of searching for one, IN MY FAVORITE PARKING LOT. This has never happened to me before so I was pretty excited. What normally happens is I drive to campus and I start looking for a parking spot and I can't find one and I can't find one and thirty minutes go by and I've used an entire dinosaur in gasoline and I start to get really mad and so I call up my boyfriend, as if he can help me find a parking spot, and I scream and I yell and I complain and I ask him over and over again, "why do they even sell parking permits if they know they don't have parking spots?" He's used to this he'll never admit it but I assume he's on the other end playing Sonic just nodding his head and saying "I know baby" and all the proper intervals, I mean this is a pretty typical encounter he's probably got the script down by now. And then when I start to feel better about life I'll find a parking spot but I won't apologize to Thomas for disrupting his morning, it's just not my style. So here in front of everyone, buddy, I'm sorry, I really am. Anyways so yesterday morning I found one right off the bat and I'm feeling great, I slept well, I'm not stressed, just to let Thomas off the hook I start to send him a text message telling him to take off his battle gear there will be no verbal onslaught to fight off today, and I lock my car door and I close it and then I realize, #$*@ #*$#( &!(#, I've locked my keys in my car. Again. AGAIN, guys, I do this all the time. I've done this so many times that I can tell you that Jaime is the guy who will typically come if you lock your keys in your car in West U, he's really nice, he goes to UHD and he's studying business. I have such a close relationship with AAA that I can actually identify most of the people who will come service your vehicle, for an assortment of reasons, by sight and by name. Anyways so last year I got in trouble with my dad for using so many service calls that they sent him a letter demanding that he train his daughter better; I vowed that this year I would do better.

Anyways, so like I said this is a pretty regular occurrence so I've made provisions and I've printed keys to my car for everyone I live with and I texted my girl Melissa and she was on campus and she said she'd hand it over and I went to meet her and we decided to go to Kurbside Eatz for lunch before I headed on home. So I'm not in a good mood but I think maybe a taco will do me some good and I order it and I'm eating it and guys it is so freaking windy. This is it. This is the foe to food trucks. The wind was blowing the sauce off of my taco, I'm not kidding guys, I have the spotted cardigan to prove it. I mean I'm a slob but I'm not that much of a slob, my mother teaches etiquette for a living for goodness sakes. It blew off the cilantro, it blew away my napkins, I'm standing here trying to put some sustenance into my tiny, grumpy body and it's just impossible. -72 I'm convinced that the food trucks work in concert with the weather; it's this huge conspiracy they don't even have to bother making good food, they just slip the weather a twenty and it blows everything away so you have no idea if it was enjoyable or not. Look guys I'm not a fan of conspiracies, I think they're a low blow, I can't believe the government faked the moon landing, I think it's really rude that they're covering up Area 59, and I just am not a fan of this wind that Kurbside Eatz intentionally set to blow across the top of my taco yesterday morning.

So this is it, guys, your official warning: don't go to food trucks because they are smarter than us and they  will alter the environment around them to steal money from poor, innocent, too-dumb-to-take-their-keys-out-of-their-ignition college students.