Salata

So like everyone here in Houston I'm very eager to watch Salata grow into a successful restaurant chain, mostly because, to quote Morgan Freeman in Batman, "some men just like to watch the world burn" and I'm very interested to see a franchise birthed out of the Houston Tunnels become a significant part of the United States culinary scene. +8 Houston, +8. Anyways it's a really awesome restaurant irl too so you should all go there.

I'll admit that I too was a little skeptical of a place that mostly sold salads that wasn't Souper Salad; Souper Salad sends me coupons and I can stuff my face with as much as I want for only $5.95; how can Salata compete with that? I'll tell you. My salad at Salata - which, I'll confirm, did fill me up - cost $8. Not $8.95, not $8.27, eight dollars and zero cents. Eight dollars exactly. The menu sign said eight dollars; the cash register said eight dollars. Talk about truth in advertising! This is the kind of integrity I wouldn't expect coming from a place that charges eight dollars for a salad. Hahaha man I'm hilarious. +27 Here's the other thing - they charge for chicken and seafood and avocado, but do you know what they don't charge for on your salad? Bacon bits! Guys that's all I like to eat on my salad anyway! Since you're eating so many vegetables it's OK to eat pure unadulterated animal fats! And they don't even charge you for it, I love Salata, they are made with my interests at heart.

Here's the other great thing about Salata. You go, you pick out your salad, you get your water cup, you go to grab a fork and you think, man those forks look so steel like and heavy. Then you go to pick them up, and they're just shiny silver plastic forks! They're only made to look like they're real metal! +80 I guess it's hypocritical of me to be charmed by this deceit after I gushed over their integrity in menu pricing, but I'm just 22 years old I'm infallible guys. The thing is is that I would always prefer to use a plastic fork; not because I hate the environment or anything like that, just because if you accidentally stab yourself in the lip with a plastic fork, it's not going to hurt, and I'm not exactly known for my gracefulness.

I did have one mild complaint and I don't want any possible franchisors to see this as a reason not to invest, but the thing is they make your salads in these giant metal bowls and then they toss them in these giant metal bowls and then they give you... giant metal bowls! Look whenever I go home my parents are obsessed with Food Network's Chopped, and let me tell you if they tried to use that plating Aaron Sanchez would certainly have a thing or two to say. -12 Nice try Salata but if I wanted to eat out of a mixing bowl I would have stayed at home.

If anyone is interested in giving me the start up money to open my own Salata franchise, please email me at arbitrarycriticism@live.com.