The Egg & I

Look let's get started here, did you know this was a movie from the 1940's? Yeah. We all thought this was just a normal restaurant that served breakfast and closed at a weird afternoon hour, but turns out, it's named after a movie that is described this way: "Green Acres '40s style! Claudette Colbert hits just the right note of exasperation in this lighthearted comedy about a society girl whose new husband (Fred MacMurray) convinces her to move out to the canebreak and start a chicken farm. The finishing school graduate struggles with the hardships of rural living -- and keeps an eye out for the seductive neighbor down the road. Features the first film appearance of Ma and Pa Kettle." I didn't realize there was this movie when I ate here, but let's be honest, it's colored my feelings for the place. Mostly because I refuse to believe that there is anything seductive about a chicken farm, and I have to assume that even in the 40's making fun of rich girls by putting them in dirty settings had to have been played out. (With the obvious exception of the movie Overboard, which defies all genres simply because the shoe closet Kurt Russell builds is so awesome that I don't even know what the rest of the movie after we see the closet is about, I'm still in a daze.)(Also with the obvious exception of the third season of Simple Life, when they're interns and Paris and Nicole get into kooky situations and laughs ensue.) -14 Regardless of whether or not these people have ever seen this movie they should feel bad about it.

Here's what else I don't like about the Egg & I: the whole place just seems like it's straight from Santa Fe. They got bizarre, not really that great Chicano art on the walls, and even worse, EVERYTHING is covered in green chili! Have you guys ever been to Santa Fe, or like, New Mexico in general? I'm not sure what's wrong with them, their name has "Mexico" in it, but they cannot make Tex-Mex to save their lives, I HATE it. They put this gross green chili on everything and when they're not putting green chili on stuff, they're putting an equally gross red chili. I mean come on, haven't you guys ever been to Escalante's? Now there's a place that knows how to use spices effectively. These people in New Mexico have not. Also, it snows there. I mean come on guys, give me a break. But the worst part is, the Egg & I is not even from there! They don't even have that excuse! They're from Colorado and they put green chili on stuff! I can't stand it guys I'm never leaving Texas again, one time I ate a burrito in South Dakota and it was the worst experience of my life, I don't even know what I would do if I had to live somewhere outside of commuting distance to Spanish Flower. -31

Look it's not the worst place in the world though guys, it's not like it's Louisiana. Here's what they have available for you to put on your French toast: Smucker's brand blackberry jelly! I'm not sure if you knew this, but in an independent study performed by middle school Catherine Martin, Smucker's brand blackberry jelly is the best jelly in the free world! You can try other brands of blackberry jelly and they won't even compare, and no other Smucker's products even come close (with the possible exception of their strawberry jelly, which, I won't lie, is pretty awesome.) There is of course a small problem with this jelly in that if you make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the morning, by the time your lunch period rolls around all the jelly will have soaked through the top piece of bread making it sticky and unappetizing to look at, but if you just keep your eyes close you can't even tell the difference. +7 I do have a warning to issue with this: in the basket on my table there were three Smucker's brand blackberry jellies but there were also an equal number of the sugar free variety, and I can't stress enough to you that this is not the same thing and should be avoided at all costs. It will make you weep with the sadness of a thousand bad days, and guys, you just don't want that in your life. *

That's everything that's important about the Egg & I. On an unimportant side note, their Eggs Benedict is actually really tasty but just a reminder you have to look at a menu filled with green chili to get to it, and you'll have to judge for yourselves if that's worth it.


*This blog post was unfortunately in no way endorsed by Smucker's, which would have been great and Smucker's if you're reading this, I'm willing to sell out to you. I'm very willing.