Spaghetti Western

Did you know that the restaurant next to Spaghetti Western (located at 1608 Shepherd), called Maggie Rita’s, is owned by Carlos Mencia? It’s pretty beside the point but whenever I drive by Maggie Rita’s it’s all I can think about. I mean that guy is awful.

Anywho so Spaghetti Western is kind of like a Southwestern-Italian fusion place. I mean I thought it was pretty good, but can we all stop just a minute and think about what a ridiculous combination that is? Right wasn’t that what that place Cavatore’s was, Texas-Italian? But I think Southwestern-Italian is even worse. I mean what is Southwestern food? Its butchered Mexican, basically, right? Maybe butchered is the wrong word, but one time I was in Wyoming with my grandparents and we went to a “southwestern” restaurant and it was AWFUL. Here in Houston we don’t have a lot of “southwestern” restaurants, we call them by their real name, “Mexican”, and they’re delicious. So all I’m saying is that if you want to advertise your food in a positive way, you’ll call it Mexican-Italian and stay away from that evil word -9. (Speaking of that trip to Wyoming, forgive me Grandma, but this is the best story ever – so guys my grandma like all ladies has a huge crush on Robert Redford, I don’t think anybody can fault her for that. So we went on vacation a couple summers ago to South Dakota to fulfill a childhood dream of mine, and Grandma looked it up, and Sundance, Wyoming is only three hours away from where we were. Three hours isn’t that long after you’ve travelled for days across the nation, and everybody knows Robert Redford lives in Sundance. So we pack up our stuff and we drive into Wyoming and we pull into Sundance and my Grandpa gets out to ask if Robert Redford is in town this time of the year, and maybe we were going to drive up and down the streets and go into the grocery store and maybe run into him, or maybe we’d buy one of those “maps to star’s houses” and find his ranch. I don’t know what Grandma had planned for when we found him but I’d already bought a ring I was going to propose marriage for myself and if he said no maybe I’d burrow underneath the foundations of his house and live there like a raccoon. I mean it’s just a suggestion. But then my Grandpa got back into the car and guess what! Robert Redford lives in Sundance, Utah. We were in the wrong Sundance! We were in the wrong STATE! Oh my gosh, isn’t that silly? And then there wasn’t very much reason for us to be there, so we saw a few sights and then we ate at that crappy “southwestern” restaurant and then we came back to South Dakota. And I think I promised Grandma I wouldn’t tell anyone but now I’ve told the whole Internet. I’m sorry Grandma, I love you.)

Back to Spaghetti Western. Here’s what I thought was silly. So there was a sign there that says you can buy their T-shirts for $15, which I think is kind of a lot for a restaurant T-shirt but guys I don’t make the rules, I just make fun of them later, OK? The thing is, none of their employees were wearing Spaghetti Western T-shirts! One guy was wearing an Angry Birds shirt! Our waiter was wearing a shirt advertising “Jewel Box”, which I think was a different restaurant in California! He was wearing a restaurant shirt, but not one from the restaurant we were eating at! -5 Oh my GOSH that’s silly! I just don’t understand because they HAVE T-shirts for Spaghetti Western, so why wasn’t anybody wearing them?? I can only assume that they refused to wear work shirts so that nobody would know they were waiters so they wouldn’t be expected to refill water glasses or whatever, but they refilled mine four times so they really were on top of things I don’t know what kind of game they were playing! +9 for refilling my water cup so many times but seriously guys, something is obviously amuck here. Look I haven’t seen a lot of western movies, but I assume they’re just like spy movies and obviously somebody is after those waiters. That’s why they don’t want to identify themselves, right? They’re outlaws hiding from the long arm of the law? Plus they didn’t have room for their real clothes in their employee lockers because they’re keeping their boots and their cowboy hats and their horse in them. Not enough room for another T-shirt. OK I’ve talked myself into it I’m not going to refund their “no employee uniform” points but I won’t take any more off.

But here’s what’s REALLY silly. OK guys look I’m very particular about my free appetizers and they put breadsticks on the table when you sit down and these breadsticks look like they’re absolutely DRIPPING in garlic butter but when you bite in, guys, it’s just a trick of the light or something! Like its just shiny bread, it’s not particularly moist OR buttery! I mean come on guys I paid no dollars for those, I expect a certain kind of product, you know? Ugh I just hate thick, bready breadsticks. I want them to be practically limp from all the garlic butter on them. I don’t even care about cheeses or anything else, but seriously guys load me up on those lipids. -4

That’s everything to it. They have surprisingly good rice there, not because the rest of their food is bad that’s not why it’s a surprise, it’s just usually when I eat rice I think “oh, that’s rice” rather than “wow, that’s a tasty food product I’m putting in my belly!” So check them out and then email me at arbitrarycriticism@live.com or comment below!