Happy Endings

Look guys I was going to stop reviewing food trucks for a while, but I got an invitation from FUHA to review this joint with them, and I'm never going to turn down free publicity guys I'm just not. If you guys are interested in watching the clip from our trip to Happy Endings, and you absolutely should be, I look gorgeous in it and (spoiler alert) there's the cutest black puppy in the world filmed AND HIS EARS ARE SO BIG!, the film should be available on their website Monday. I'll remind you again, don't worry. (Because of the puppy. Not because I'm in it. There's nothing I love more than a puppy who's ears are too big for it's face. +7)

Look the thing is if it wasn't for this whole film thing I would not have given you a lovely review of Happy Endings. I'm so tired of food trucks, you know why? Because there is NO air conditioning. I just have to stand out in the heat waiting in line for food, and worse than that, since a food truck is a mobile restaurant rather than a regular restaurant, you can't exactly drive up to it! You have to park somewhere separately, in a separate parking lot, and then actually walk all the way to the food truck. You know I read on twitter that that Annise Parker girl said something about how NYC can suck Houston's butt because we're not going to cut down on how much soda we can have at one time here, we're going to focus on creating initiatives where Houstonians have the power to lower their calories and increase their exercise without removing any freedoms. Or something, it was in 160 characters. My point is, I have the perfect answer! You want to make people skinnier? Make there be more food trucks! People just wander around in the heat in search of food. It's some kind of sick game if you ask me. -6 (Dear Mayor Parker: That was all satire. You should make there be more food trucks because this is a good thing, not a sarcastic good thing.)

Here's why Happy Endings is the best restaurant in Houston though, mobile or otherwise. So, like I said, I was hanging out, saying clever, witty things to a camera, and Andre, one of the gents over at FUHA, says, OK, now we're going to get footage of you and me ordering at Happy Endings. I say sure, that's fine, I have plenty of experience ordering things in a restaurant, I'll have no problem taking care of this small task for you Andre. I step up to the window, tell them what I want, then Andre tells her what he wants without waiting for me to pay, and I think, wow, that's nice. This slightly-better-funded-food-segment-than-my-food-segment is going to buy me lunch today! I'm glad I managed to get out of bed! BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED! You know what happened instead? The girl just said, OK great, we're going to throw in some egg rolls for you guys too, and then stepped inside! She didn't charge us a dime! +1832! Pro tip: we should all go legit and get a camera and start shooting restaurant reviews, stat. LEGIT restaurant reviews. If anybody's down email me, nobody has ever given me a free meal in a restaurant just for being a critic! Almost a full year of restaurant reviews, a full year next month, and this is the first time!!! I'm so in love with Happy Endings and I'm so in love with FUHA. You guys should all go and watch all of their restaurant reviews and just think of how many free meals they've gotten (I hear through the grapevine that it's actually like four only but that's still four more than I ever had so they can stop their whining, you know?) A free hot dog and free eggrolls. I love it.

Did I mention, actually, that Happy Endings serves hot dogs? They do. They are Asian inspired hot dogs. I love this idea for a concept, if there's one thing I really like it's fusion food. I like it because as a white person, I'm never going to be able to open up a really good ethnic food restaurant of my own, and I absolutely love ethnic food. +18 Mexicans? I love Mexicans, their food, their pinatas, their drugs. (I'm just kidding about the last one guys though I did see the picture of meth in the Houston Chronicle last week and it was yellow, did you guys know this about meth? I don't know about you but I have a strict no yellow drug policy. No thanks Mexican drug cartels.) I love Greek food, I just read two books in a row about ancient Greece and I'm now very well informed about at least two topics related to Greece. Also I went to Greek Festival to demonstrate my love for Greek food, but I think I demonstrated it a little too well and now I'm going on a diet. My point is: here's my idea for fusion: Greek-Mexican fusion! I'm not sure yet how it's going to work but I want to go ahead and put my  idea on the interwebs so if anyone else comes up with this idea before I can get my recipes together, I have proof that I thought of it first and I'll be able to sue them for all they are worth. Which, if they have just started a restaurant, will probably no longer be a lot.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts. I'll keep you posted on FUHA, but, another spoiler, I'm wearing a grey sweatshirt. It's going to be HOT.