Itty Bitty Burger Barn

I'm sure I've blogged for you before about my love for food related challenges. I think this is mostly because I am so goal oriented. Look guys I think there's something wrong with me, once I get these goals there's basically no stopping me, I'm going to spend every minute locked away in my room playing tetris until I get to 100,000 points, I'm not going to eat, I'm not going to sleep, and if you think I'm going to take a shower, you've got another think coming. This goes the opposite as well. If I haven't visualized something as a goal, then chances are it's not going to happen. This goes for things such as: making my bed, cleaning my room, putting on pants, bathing, etc. It would be silly to put those things on a to-do list, I tell myself, they seem so intuitive. So I just never do them. Anyways, at the Itty Bitty Burger Barn, which I will from now on only be referring to as "the Burger Barn", because that is shorter and less annoying, they have this massive burger which is allegedly two pounds and covered in jalapenos. Two pounds of burger!+12 Plus they've been on the Food Network, which makes them legit!

I'd like to stop here and point out that like all women, I'm deeply self-conscious about my body and last month I bought a scale for the bathroom, hoping that looking at a number would shame me into leaving my apartment more and eating vegetables. The thing is I bought the cheapest scale I could find, and it's wildly inaccurate. My weight fluctuates on average ten pounds a day. I haven't eaten a vegetable since I got it, there's never any need, I'll wake up and look at the scale and gasp in self disgust and then I'll brush my teeth and look at it again and I'll have lost five pounds. Once I took a shower and lost eleven pounds, I'm not joking guys, I mean come on nobody is ever that dirty. I went for a run and gained eight. This is exactly the kind of behavior I need discouraged. Anyway my point is I was really hungry one day last month and I'd just finished my hardest exam so I told myself that as a reward I could eat the XXL nachos at Taco Bell, the ones that weigh a whole pound. A whole pound of food. So I went home and weighed myself as is my new habit and then I ate the nachos and weighed myself again and I'd lost two pounds! Guys with this kind of positive reinforcement I've been eating more than ever, just imagine how much weight you could lose by eating two pounds of burger. +231

I want to let everyone know though that I didn't actually eat the two pound burger, just because I feel like this is going to come up the next time I call home. No, Mom and Dad, it's OK, I'm making good choices in college, I ate the garlic melt.

Here's what's gross about the Burger Barn though. For one thing, I sat right next to the bathrooms and I want to warn everyone that that's not a good thing to do. For another thing, there's a fake bird that's sitting on top of the television they have on display for your viewing pleasure, and just so that we're all on the same page, it's not a real bird. -11 Not that I wanted it to be a real bird, don't get me wrong. It's just that I think birds are really creepy and really scary. There's nothing about a bird that's OK - their claws are very frightening, their beaks are very long, and whenever they walk instead of fly they look so unbelievably silly that I can't help but feel like they're doing it on purpose, to lure you into a false sense of security. Plus when I was younger my parents occasionally referred to my unkempt hair as a bird's nest, as parents are wont to do, and now whenever I run my hands through my hair and find a tangle for a moment I grow frightened that something really is living in there. Plus, this bird is a black bird. I think we all read the Raven in school or at least saw the Simpson's Treehouse of Horrors about it and are now scared for life when it comes to black birds. Here's a tip, Burger Barn: get rid of the bird.

Those are all the important things to say but they are all very important so please commit them to memory.