D'Amico's

This past week was pretty good for me. Just a recap on my life, I'm a college student and I live with two roommates, and I spent most of my time hanging out in my underwear in my apartment complaining about what I'm going to do when I graduate in three or so months. It's a pretty hard life but I don't want you to think there aren't any bright spots, and this week there were actually two: my parents and Scott's parents both came into town. Maybe you guys don't know but when you're a college student the only thing better than your own parents coming into town is the parents of someone whom you are very close to; either way you're going to get a free, hot meal at a restaurant you normally wouldn't go to, but when your friends' parents come in, you don't even have the added stress of making sure the apartment's clean. My own parents I took to the newly redesigned Hooter's on Kirby, but Scott's parents took us to D'Amico's, a nice little Italian restaurant in West U.

Here's my main criticism guys. So there are these shelves lined up at the entrance of the restaurant, lined with some of the ingredients they use in their recipes. It's kind of cute and homey and rustic, and then you look closer and there is a can of pizza sauce. These jokers are using canned pizza sauce??? Are you kidding me?? Look I'm not going to pretend to be an expert on crappy pizza chains, but I'm willing to bet that even Pizza Hut doesn't use pizza sauce out of a can. And if they do, it's at least a proprietary brand, rather than something that looks like it can be grabbed at the grocery store when you're in a hurry and can't be bothered to spend five minutes making your own! That's how long it takes to make pizza sauce, guys. Ten minutes. Look I know I have a bit more experience than the rest of you guys in working in pizza restaurants, but I'm willing to bet that there is not a single one of you out there who couldn't make something better. -14 And then to advertise it! To everyone! To just leave that can out there for everyone to see! I was ashamed to be in the same restaurant as my fake parents, someone like me taking them somewhere like that.

But it's not all bad guys come on, just don't order the pizza. Here's what I like: when Scott ordered a Sprite, they brought him a cup of ice and a can of soda. I don't know, it's kind of silly I guess not to offer free refills on soda in this day and age, especially since it's usually so much more cost effective to have soda syrup rather than soda cans, but I think it's kind of sweet. I think I like it in a can better just because whenever someone refills my glass I feel obligated to drink it, but whenever I drink too much soda, I get a headache. This way nobody can refill your Sprite when you're in the bathroom. +23 The only thing I'm worried about is what if they're tagging into the socialist mindset in NYC where they are putting limits on how much soda you can drink! What if this is some kind of regulation! I hate being regulated and even more than that I hate being regulated without my knowledge. When I was in high school I didn't even know that we had blockers on the computers for a long time because I was just hanging out, being a good kid, getting shit done, taking names, etc. Then one day I thought I'd play some tetris and turns out everything you want to do as a kid is banned, and I didn't even know for years, and I now I have to live with the pain of knowing that there were boundaries to test and I left them untested. I mean how do you think that makes me feel about myself! I had to burn my rebel flag and now when I grow up all I can aspire to be is an accountant, and not even the dirty, swindling kind. -8 to me.

There was another thing I liked. To differentiate between the boys and the girls washrooms they had portraits on the doors, a man on the men's door, the Mona Lisa on the women's door. I think it's silly because according to some art historians, the Mona Lisa is a portrait of Leonardo di Vinci AS A WOMAN. It's a picture of a man disguised as a woman on the stall of the girls room! So to me it sounds like there are two men's rooms at D'Amico's, or maybe you can use it if you're transgendered, but for a girl like me? There's nothing. You have to pee in the streets like an animal. +10 Take that women, that'll teach you to seek equal rights. Just to let all the ladies out there know, though, the bathrooms are onesies so as long as you can sneak in there without anybody seeing you you're home free to pee in privacy if you want to be a dirty liar about it (which I did, because I test boundaries, like a boss.)

If you're the parent of a close friend of mine, please feel free to email me at arbitrarycriticism@live.com and I'll put you on the schedule for taking me out for a hot meal.