Dot's Diner

I'll go ahead and tell you guys that Dot's Diner is my favorite restaurant in Houston. This one time I read a book called Insatiable, by Gail Greene, the New York Times food writer. She said that the hardest part of doing restaurant reviews is that once she reviews a restaurant, there's no reason for her to go back. The newspaper will only pay her to review a restaurant once, and there are so many to do she doesn't have time to review restaurants she's not being paid for. Taking this into consideration, I've tried to hold off as long as possible on my favorite restaurants. This is my ninth post, obviously my will power is pretty lacking.

Reviewing Dot's, however, is turning out to be a lot harder than I thought. I honestly have no idea what it is about them that I like. I've obviously sworn not to mention food to you guys, but I'm pretty sure that's not what I like about it anyway. They're a diner, and there's only so many ways you can provide eggs and hashbrowns. (There's actually only one way: eggs over easy and hashbrowns with salt. If you're hungry you can come over to my apartment and I'll show you how a pro does it.) They do have really good bread that they give you before the meal, but seriously guys you can get bread anywhere, I mean they sell it at HEB. And Kroger, depending on the neighborhood. It's south of the University of Houston a couple exits, at Gulfgate, and that's probably why they're so great to me. You mean somebody else will make me toast 24 hours a day, close enough to find even when my brain's been addled by "studying"? It's like House of Pies, but NOT the most obnoxious place on the planet! +76 for not being House of Pies.

Anyway. So I went about a week ago and I got their lunch special and it was pretty delicious, but you can get delicious food anywhere. Here's what makes Dot's Diner great:

For one thing, we went on a Saturday morning and for once we had to wait for a table. They didn't give me one of those obnoxious vibrating buzzer things, they just gave me a number. Here's what it said: "Please be aware that seating numbers may not always in numerical order, but often skip around depending on table availability." Look I don't want you to think I'm some kind of grammar Nazi. That's for hippies and people who teach eleventh grade English (that means you, Mrs. Alvarado. I miss you.) I'm just saying this isn't their only typo. On their menu their lunch specials go from #5 to #7. What happened to item number 6? Obviously it went the same place as their verb did, that's all I'm saying. But I don't think it's a bad thing. When "studying" has you down, it's important to go someplace that's just as confused and destroyed by proper English as you are. +7

It's December, and you my faithful readers know how enchanted I've been by everyone's Christmas decorations. Dot's Diner has turned their shrubbery into Christmas trees, wrapping them in brightly colored lights so as to get into the spirit of the times. They've also given their trees a bit of a trim into more of a Christmas-y shape; it's not that their trees aren't normally pointed it's just that they aren't usually trimmed. On the inside there's even more Christmas, with boughs and balls and all sorts of things hung festively over the kitchen. It was alright, but I think they could have gone farther if you ask me. It was a bit haphazard and if we're really grading honestly, they only get a +1 for remembering what month it is. By golly, I want people to be pulling out all the stops this holiday season. I'm looking for waitresses dressed in Santa costumes, for cooks with antler headbands on that light up (not that I have my own pair or anything like that), for reindeer patiently taking up half the parking lots out back. I mean come on, didn't these people see Elf? If we're not Christmas-y enough, Santa won't be able to deliver our presents! I've worked myself into a lather. -10

On the bright side however their normal decorations are quite fun to look at. Along one whole wall they have a stained glass window of ducks in flight. As a matter of fact the whole restaurant has a kind of church-y feel, with steepled roofs and people giving you disapproving looks for swearing loudly. I like to think this is because they're trying to appeal to the Sunday morning crowd. People are so caught up after Mass (or whatever you heathens do) that they aren't ready to acclimate to the regular world; Dot's is here to be the transition from church to regular daily life. Maybe it has a similar role Saturday nights, transitioning you from partying to churching. I wouldn't really know myself, I'm usually studying. +12 for convincing you guys

Anyways like I said Dot's is one of my favorite restaurants, especially if you're really hungry. The portions are enough to feed a family of cows for weeks, though I wouldn't really recommend it I think cows are only supposed to eat, like, grass and grains and things like that. I definitely recommend it, and if you try it out, email me at arbitrarycriticism@live.com