THE fish

I know what you're thinking. THE fish? Am I sure it's not just A fish? But it's not! It's THE fish, located at 309 Gray St, and they serve really good sushi there! Have you guys been to that part of Gray Street before? It's right across the street from Coco's Crepes, another place I really like, and I think it's a fun part of town! All the businesses have apartments on top of them, everybody is between the ages of 25 and 35, nobody has any kids or responsibilities, and everybody's always walking a really cute dog! It's the perfect place! It feels like what a real city should feel like, but if instead of being a real city it were just the simulation of a real city on some sort of sitcom like Full House or that other show the Olsen twins were in. +12

Anyways so I ordered the miso soup and the fiery roll when I went, because I love miso soup and the fiery roll had cilantro in it, but do you want to hear some of the names they have for their sushi rolls? They have the lickitty split roll, which I don't know that I've ever seen written down before and I think I would have spelt with more e's if it were up to me, maybe licketty split? They had the Godzilla roll which I think we can all agree is just racist, a surf and turf roll, and this was my personal favorite, the cheeseburger roll. Doesn't that just sound gross? I mean I don't know that you have in mind when you go to sushi restaurants, but the thought of beef in conjunction with raw fish just really grosses me out. They had another roll that had beef in it as well and I'm pretty sure it was fully cooked in both of them, I mean they cook the fish in sushi too right, isn't it just sashimi that's raw? I'm not going to pretend to be an expert I only went to culinary school for two semesters dual credit in high school, we didn't really get out of anything more basic than how many milliliters are in a pound of turkey. But my point is what the hell is a cheeseburger roll? I didn't ORDER it or even read the full description so I can't TELL you, but when I imagine it it's ground beef wrapped in lettuce instead of seaweed and instead of dipping it in soy sauce there's a little tray of melted down Velveeta cheese. Now that I think about it, that's a delicious idea! +7

Here's what I liked about the place. I mean it's a really classy joint, you can tell because they keep the lights down really dim so you can't see anything in front of you in case something unclassy does happen and some sort of riffraff like me comes in and the booths are really high, when you're sitting in one you can't see the back of the head of the person in front of you or the person they're sitting with either, in case it's somebody important like Anise Parker eating with her girlfriend or somebody even more scandalous. (Though just to let you know I could see the reflection of the people in the booth in front of me in the glass of the window next to our tables and you'll all be delighted to know that there was this really annoying guy who kept talking to the waiter about the owner of the restaurant in a really name droppy, I'm nowhere near as important as I want you to think I am kind of way was eating dinner with a girl who was attractive not in proportion to how attractive or interesting he was but instead in proportion to the size of the diamond on her finger) Anyway, so the point of all this is that it's a really classy joint but instead of having white tablecloths they have black ones! Right that's kind of fun right? So you can spill all the soy sauce that you want, you can drip sauce all the way down the table and all the way down your shirt and nobody will even know! Provided you're wearing a black shirt too! This is what I like in a restaurant, I like a restaurant where you can really be yourself, where you can really mess up and there's no way for anybody, especially the waiter, to make you feel like a jerk just because you haven't used chopsticks in seriously like three months and it's just awkward trying to pick up a piece of sushi anyway, I mean they're so wide who can do that? +32

I'm not kidding this place really does have a nice vibe. I went in around four and there weren't very many people in there at the time, and I was all by myself, and the waiter didn't make me feel rushed at all. He was so quiet and so helpful, he just kept coming around and refilling my water and he never asked me if I needed anything, he just made sure he came by enough that if I did need something I could ask for it, never interrupted me from the book I was reading, didn't make me feel pressured to get out of there to let someone else go in. I don't think that's arbitrary criticism but he's really the best waiter I've ever had +89

So everybody should go in to THE fish on Gray St (seriously, who spells grey with an a? I've always spelled it with an e, I typed it into Google maps with an e, I originally typed it into this blog with an e... I'm going to get the mayor on the phone guys now that I'm an important Houston blogger I'm sure I can get the ball rolling on the sort of paperwork we'll need to fill out to get it to be Grey Street from now on) and ask for the guy with glasses as your waiter and then email me about it at arbitrarycriticism@live.com!