Lola's

In case anybody was wondering, I worked my last shift at Pink's Pizza on Sunday. Now that I no longer work for the company, I'm free to review all the restaurants under the brand without fear of journalistic conflict! My one and a half years on the job will have no impact on these words! A little background on Lola's, the subject of today's rant - I mean, arbitrary criticism - located at 1102 Yale, it was placed in an old Eckerd's building. I don't know how you guys feel about Eckerd's, but it was always my drug store of choice and when they were originally bought out, I refused to shop at CVS for years. Who does CVS think they are, buying out my drug store and then changing nothing but the sign and color scheme? It's unconscionable! I had memories there! I bought pencils there once! Since moving to Houston I've started using CVS just because it's closer than Walgreen's and they have a larger boxed wine selection, which just goes to show you that my values can be bought out for convenience. Anyways, it only makes me feel safer in Lola's that it used to be my drug store of choice, and that if nothing else should drive you through the doors. +9

So right off the bat when you walk into Lola's you know it's a good place to be, because their "order here" sign is shaped and designed like the Las Vegas sign. I know you guys know what kind of style I'm talking about. This is good, because if there's one thing I love more than Eckerd's it's Las Vegas. I don't know if you know this, but I actually went to Las Vegas this winter break and won thirty dollars. Did I tell you I won thirty dollars? Yeah, I'm a pretty big blackjack shark but it's no big deal. If you want I'll give you tips sometime. Gambling is pretty cool in Vegas, but I think we all know what people go there for: North America's only predator based aquarium, located inside Mandalay Bay casino. Yeah. Melvin's brother used to work there a couple years back, but there's some bad blood between the two of them now and they haven't talked in a while. Anyway so Lola's has this sign and it's pretty cool, reminds me a lot of this Christmas break's successes. Did I tell you guys I won thirty dollars? +30

I know I never talk about food no matter how much I'm tempted, but I'm gonna go ahead and talk straight to you guys. There's two things you should know before you go to Lola's. One's pretty easy: they serve Capri Suns there as one of their beverage choices. They've got grape Capri Suns there, and I know I hooked a lot of you there. +7 Another thing is they serve this sandwich there called Day After Thanksgiving, which I think has turkey or domestic disagreement or something on it, I'm not really sure. I'm equally unsure but I think it's my friend Mehran's favorite thing on the menu. Doesn't this whole thing make you pretty suspicious? For one thing, I don't know, Mehran doesn't sound very American to me. Sounds to me like a bunch of foreigners are stealing our American traditions. The only thing more American than Thanksgiving is the Day After Thanksgiving, followed of course by the Super Bowl, and then the Fourth of July. But am I mistaken here in that nobody likes the day after Thanksgiving? So here's how it works, right: you eat a lot of food on Thanksgiving, you take a nap, you eat some more, repeat process until your stomach bursts. The next morning, high on tryptophan, everyone wakes up really early and gets into fights at Walmart over the last dual DVD/toaster combo. Then we straggle on home, having gotten mugged by a pregnant woman in the parking lot, hungry from the bloodsport. Oh, no! we shout. Did nobody go to the grocery store? All we've got left in the fridge is leftovers from yesterday, not to mention half a container of Cool Whip from the pumpkin pie! We don't want any of this crap! But it's all we have! We have to eat it! So I ask you, my darling readership. Why would you make that horrified, disappointed feeling a part of your menu? There's nothing worse than still having turkey left the day after Thanksgiving! That's not to be celebrated! -19 And while I'm complaining about things, their coffee flavor is Bayou Blend! That sounds nasty! The bayou is nasty! It's filled with homeless people and dead catfish! I don't want to drink that! (I did. I mean I drank the coffee. It didn't take like homeless person it just tasted like coffee.) -2

A few other things to mention about Lola's. The manager is named Riley and she's really pretty, +9. They have an outdoor patio, and while I was just complaining about outdoor patios in my last blog post, I like the one at Lola's, simply because I've only gone there on cool days or hot dry days, rather than Houston's typical hot wet day. +6 And the last thing I want to congratulate Lola's on is that the O in Lola's is I assume a peach with a bite in it; arguments could be made that it's an orange but at a restaurant known for their breakfast foods, I highly doubt anybody would put an orange in the sign. (That was sarcasm.) +12 Also one time I had a job interview at Lola's and then I had a job for one and a half years that I really liked. +200

Anyways that's Lola's for you! I really like it and they open at 7 most mornings so you can go there for breakfast even if you want! Check it out and then email me at arbitrarycriticism@live.com!